Sara Emmerson: Welcome back to That Sounds Risky. I'm your host, Sara Emmerson, executive and life coach, and I believe risk is the price to a meaningful life. Today, it's just gonna be you and me, and I wanna start with a question. What have you been telling yourself you'll do when you feel more ready? Maybe it's starting a business, having a difficult conversation, making a change, or finally putting yourself out there. You wanna do it, but you keep thinking, oh, once I feel more confident, then I'll take the next step. But what if you're ready and still feel scared? Today we're talking about how to tell the difference between needing more preparation and waiting for fear to disappear, and how to make a wise decision even when you feel nervous. So think about that thing that you've been putting off. And let's get into it. Maybe there's something that you've wanted to do for a while, but every time you get close, you think, I just need a little bit more time. I need to learn more first. And honestly, sometimes more preparation really is what you need. But sometimes we keep preparing because preparing honestly feels safer than participating. We can research

an idea without letting anyone evaluate it. We can rehearse a conversation without hearing the other person's response or criticism. We can plan a business without asking someone to buy it. Eventually, we have to ask ourselves, am I getting ready or am I waiting for this to stop feeling uncomfortable? Because those are 2 very different things. And if you're waiting for a meaningful decision to come with no uncertainty, You may be waiting for a really long time. So what does ready actually mean? When you say, I'm not ready, what do you mean when you say that? I want you to think about that. What do you actually mean when you say, I'm not ready? Do you mean you're missing a skill? Do you mean you need more money or time, information, support? Is there something specific you need to put in place? Or do you actually mean, I don't feel certain this will work out? That distinction matters. If you need a skill, you can learn it. If you need information, you can gather it. If you need support,

you can look for it and gain it. But if your definition of ready is, I know this will work, Nobody will be disappointed and I won't feel vulnerable. There may be no amount of preparation that gets you there. We don't get to know every outcome before we choose. It's just not how it works. We can make thoughtful decisions, we can prepare, we can consider what matters and what's at stake, but we still have to live through the part we can't predict. You can feel afraid and still make a wise decision. Fear is something to listen to. It doesn't have to make the whole decision for you, though. What is fear telling you right now? I want to be careful here because I'm not suggesting that every hesitation is something to push through. It's information that should be paid attention to. Sometimes your hesitation is pointing to a problem that needs attention. Maybe the numbers don't work yet. Maybe someone is pressuring you to move faster than you want to, or that's wise.

Maybe the opportunity conflicts with your values. These are reasons to pause and to investigate. Sometimes the fear is about being seen trying. It's about being seen doing something messy. It's about being a beginner. We don't like that. I don't like that. I like to be looked at as perfect, as having it together. And let me tell you, the first thing that can help you with that is either becoming a parent or an entrepreneur. Either of those things will help you be more willing to do things messy. Asking for something someone might decline, that feels messy. Letting people know you want more than what you currently have, that's risky. And those fears can feel just as urgent as a practical problem. So instead of asking only, am I scared? I want you to ask, what specifically am I scared will happen? Try to finish this sentence. If I do this, I'm afraid that— how would you answer that? If I do this, I'm afraid that someone will say no, I'll

lose money, people will think I'm not qualified, I'll disappoint someone, I'll discover I'm not as good at this as I had hoped. Now we have something we can examine, and those things that I just mentioned, those aren't just things Those are things that I've thought of too. Those are real fears that I've had. A vague feeling of dread is hard to work with, but a specific concern gives us a place to start. I like to tell my clients many, many times a week, I say we need to bring fact to the feeling. And what that really means, because I love talking about risk, is we need to define if it's a real risk or a perceived risk. Risk that we're looking at. In my coaching, I use the distinction between real risk and perceived risk. Real risk includes the consequences we need to evaluate and prepare for. If you leave a job, your income may change. If you invest in a business, you could lose money. If you make a commitment, it's going to require time and capacity. Those things deserve a plan.

Real risk deserves a strategy and a plan, and that's what we work through in executive coaching often. Perceived risk— this is about what we predict the experience will mean or how threatening it feels. I'm going to read that again so you can hear this. Perceived risk is about what we predict the experience will mean or how threatening it feels. If someone says no, that will prove I'm not good enough. If I change direction, people will think I failed. These are all perceived risks that we feel. If I speak honestly, everyone will be upset with me. There may be a real possibility of rejection or disappointment, but notice what we add to it. A person declining an offer becomes a verdict of our worth. You let their decision speak to your identity, which is just not true. Someone having questions becomes proof we've made the wrong decision. Nope. One difficult moment becomes a prediction about our entire future. The practical

consequence and the story we tell about it can get tangled together. It often does. Here's an example. Let's say you want to offer a new service. You have a business and you want to offer a new service. A real risk is that you spend time developing and don't sell enough to make that worthwhile. That's a real risk. You can work with that. You might test the idea with a few people, limit your initial investment, or invite a small group to try it first. A perceived risk might be If this doesn't sell, everyone will think I'm a failure. That's a prediction. It isn't something you know, it's not factual, and it may be the prediction that's keeping you from doing a small, sensible test. It's the prediction of something that isn't real or factual that's keeping you from actually taking a first step and possibly having success. So ask yourself, what could actually happen? What am I assuming would mean about me? And what could I do to reduce the consequences? You don't have to

talk yourself out of every concern. We don't want to do that. We want to use our brain and continue to evaluate the risk, but you're trying to understand the concern well enough to choose your next right step. Taking this podcast from an idea to something real, that was a risk. Launching That Sounds Risky meant taking an idea and making it something people could actually listen to. It's one thing to believe in a message. It's another thing to put your voice behind it and invite people to the conversation and release it into the world. It was risky. This podcast is built around something I believe: risk is the price to a meaningful life. And that belief, that belief applies to me too. I don't get to encourage other people to explore what matters to them and then assume my own next steps should come with a guaranteed outcome, because they don't. I know when I started this company over 6 years ago, there wasn't a guaranteed outcome. In fact, there were many times I was thinking, well, I can go back to what I was doing before if this doesn't work. But I also knew that it was an idea and something

I couldn't get out of my mind. There was something in it that felt like it was calling to me, something I couldn't just push away. And I knew that if I didn't take the steps towards it, I would regret it. What is that for you? When you think about your own next step, you may already have some of the preparation you need. You might have experience. You might have a clear reason for wanting to do it. You might have people who can support you. But because you still feel nervous, you discount all of that. I know in my story, I had experience. I had a clear reason that I wanted to do it, and I knew that there were people that needed it and that I could help. And I knew I had a great support system, and I focused more on that than the fear. There's a good portion of you out there that are focusing more on the fear than the facts. Try giving the evidence of your readiness just as much attention as the evidence of your fear. What have you already learned? What have you already handled?

What resources do you already have? And what would help you take a responsible first step? What is staying costing you? When we consider a change, we tend to examine the risk of moving. What if it doesn't work? What if I regret it? What if I lose something? And those are useful questions, but I also want you to ask about what I call the cost of staying. If you keep doing exactly what you're doing, what are the likely consequences? Maybe you keep working hours that leave you exhausted. Maybe you keep avoiding a conversation while resentment grows. What is your cost of staying? Because there is a cost. Maybe an idea that matters to you gets pushed into another month and then another year. Maybe you keep accepting work that leaves no room for the work you actually want to be doing and something you want to be building. Staying can be the right choice. I know I've done it, but it deserves the same honest evaluation as changing. I've both stayed in something

at a time— at times, and left things at times. Both deserve equal amount of consideration. I want you to ask yourself, if I'm in this same situation 6 months from now, how will I feel? If you are in the exact same spot that you are in today, 6 months from now, how will you feel? What will you Have overlooked if that's the case? What will you have given up? Those are meaningful things that need to be considered. The point is to make a decision with a fuller picture. You're considering the possible cost of moving and the possible cost of staying. Choose a step you can learn from. For you, you might be thinking it's actually such a huge leap, but it is only really a few steps. You want to explore a business and your mind jumps straight to quitting your job. I have people call me often and they're like, hey, I'm gonna quit. And I'm like, well, that's a choice. Let's talk about it. Maybe it's the right time to quit, but maybe quitting in 3 to 6 months is a better choice. You want

to explore that before you just make a decision. You want to set a boundary and your mind jumps straight to a huge confrontation, right? Just setting a boundary isn't that big of a deal, but you make it have to be a huge confrontation. We don't have to go to step 20, we can just take step 1. You want to share your work and your mind jumps straight to thousands of people judging it. Not true. You might only have a couple people that are looking at it at first. You can grow to the thousands, but let's not let the thousands keep you from putting it out there for the few. Bring the decision closer. What could you do next that would give you useful information? If you want to start a business, talk to 3 people who might need what you're offering. I tell clients that all the time. Go find somebody that might need what you're offering and talk to them about it. If you want to change careers, have one conversation with someone doing the work you're curious about. Call them up and ask them if you can talk to them for 15 minutes about what they enjoy about their job and see if it resonates with you. If you need a boundary,

start by getting clear on what you can realistically offer. If you want to create something, make a first version And share it with a small group of people and get their feedback. You're allowed to take a step that helps you learn. I want you to remember that you're allowed to take a step just to see if it works. You don't have to decide the whole future today. You don't have to know the whole story. You don't have to know if it's going to work. You don't have to know if you want to do it forever. You can just try, and that's okay. And in order to do that, I wanna encourage you to do use something that I created called the risk model. Here's a simple way to work through the decision using my risk model. First, reveal the decision. Name the actual choice that's in front of you. I need to figure out my whole life is too overwhelming. You don't wanna do that. Say this instead. I wanna decide whether to test this offer with 5 people. That's something you can actually examine. Second, identify the right risk. Look at the real risk and the perceived risk. What could happen? What are you assuming?

And what actually needs preparation? Third, select the winning strategy. Choose an approach that fits your values, your responsibilities, And your goals. Consider the cost of staying, and then decide what support or safeguards do you need to help you define a step that gives you a reasonable way forward. And we're just looking to take one step, not 20. And then fourth, keep moving through discomfort. I want you to expect that discomfort is going to be there because it will. When you take that first step, you may still feel nervous. In fact, I'll tell you, most of the time you will. You might send the email and immediately want to take it back. You might have the conversation and feel unsettled afterwards. That feeling deserves attention, but it doesn't automatically mean the decision was wrong. Review what actually happened and then learn from it, and then adjust where you need to. Give yourself a chance to develop confidence through experience. I often say this: confidence isn't a feeling, it's a skill, and confidence is competence. I want you to think of something that you're actually really

competent at right now. Whatever that is, I can guarantee that there's some confidence there. If you were to teach me something that you were competent in today, I can guarantee that you would feel confident in telling me that because you're good at it and you've done it. You've put in the reps. What have you been telling yourself you'll do when you feel more ready? That's the question that we started thinking about at the beginning, and I want you to think about it again now. Whatever you've been telling yourself you'll when you feel more ready. Now I want you to ask yourself these 3 questions. First one, what is it that I am specifically afraid of? Question 2, what do I actually need before I can take a responsible step? What is it that I actually need before I can take a responsible step? And then 3, what is one action I can take this week? And then I want you to keep that action clear and then send the invitation to yourself. Send a calendar invite to yourself, inviting yourself to take that action. Schedule the conversation, ask the question, research the actual cost, set

aside an hour to make the first version of whatever it is that you can't get out of your mind. And if you realize you need more preparation, I want you to define What the preparation is that you need. What preparation? How much? By when? That way, getting ready becomes a plan that you can complete, not just a wish. You may discover that you may need more time. You may discover that you need help. Or you may discover that you have enough to begin, even though you wish you felt more certain. You can be thoughtful and afraid. You can be prepared and nervous. You can make a wise decision without knowing exactly how it will turn out. So this week, I want you to give yourself the opportunity to take one step and learn something. Thank you for joining me today on That Sounds Risky. And if this episode brought someone to mind, I want you to send it to them. And if there's a decision that you keep putting off, or a change you want to make, a business that that you wanna grow or something you know you're ready to explore, I would love to help you through it. That's what I love helping people do. In coaching, we get clear on what it

is that you actually want, what's getting in your way, and the right next steps for you. So if that sounds like you, you've been hesitating, you keep telling yourself you'll do it, but you don't actually follow through, I want you to go to sarahemerson.com and I want you to contact me to schedule a conversation about coaching. Tell me what you're considering, and even if you don't have it all figured out, it's okay. We'll talk about where you are, what you do know, and where you wanna go, and whether coaching could be a great fit to help you get there. You can be ready and still scared. It's okay. You don't have to have it all figured out, and you don't have to take your next move alone. I'm Sara Emmerson, and this is That Sounds Risky. Thanks for listening.